Mixtape News and “Hypochondriac”- Lyrics by Details

For those who don’t know….I have taken an interest in producing with the likes of Reason 5, and with the help of Producers Tictax and Era Redux, I have learned a very good amount in the little time I’ve been screwing around.

With that said, I will be starting a series of mixtapes to put out while waiting on completion of the next LP, all featuring multiple artists on top of self produced mixes.

AND with THAT said….here is the first track of my own;

“Hypochondriac”

Mouse trap in mouth with a tongue inside dying

I look like I’m giving up, still I keep trying

Lying for hours wide eyed and curious

as to what might be wrong

My problems are serious

hypochondriac speaking in riddles

my sadness comes in levels greater than fiddles

of the saddest size in nature

Rivers are cried

emotions so little

libido dry

suicide

in sexual danger

anxiety high and mighty inside me

I’m fighting get back to writing

and riding through biting teeth and nails on my back now

Gotta back down, fix the head in me

Gotta get ahead and in an empty seat

of a movie theatre

watching a movie alone, with no phone

no connection, no home

just me, the art and a silent state of depression

You think you can fix me?

I don’t find you impressive.

I don’t think you were meant for me

But I think too much

I think too much about problems so small

stressed the fuck out, ignoring friends calls

I’m trying; that’s what I can say

I’m sorry I don’t want to fuck today

In a happy place with four wall , some keys and a beer

Look at me; my skin is so clear

transparent in pose; exposé near

finished completion of deletion of files

therapists calling

and I’m walking a few miles

away from everything I’ve known to a shack in the woods

Maybe I should try to do me some good

hit the books

Maybe I should try to go to school again

And meet new people

Why? To drop out in boredom

with a bill I might pay never equal

to what I might pay in my life’s expense

I don’t think I’ll live that long

my friends

I’ve got a few problems in the head I’m blessed with

One of them leads to another thus why I’m disconnected

VOICES

I guess I have some problems that lay deep inside of me

I have my fathers blood and mother’s anxiety

It feels like sometimes I really am dying

The way my body likes to give up on me

keeps me from trying

I’m sick of the excuses, there’s none to be said

I’m not happy and sometimes I do wish I was dead

But that’s a thought

’cause life’s a bitch mocking me

If I were normal

I’d have bitch always on top of me

But I’m not, and nor am I different from any of you

I’m just a man proud of existing

with what I do

to be here is a miracle and I realize this

I just wish some of you people out there did

I have one goal and a dream to spread with my love

Make it to the top so I can spill my guts

to let everyone of you people taste my emotion

every ounce of me is with this; that is devotion

But there in lies the problem once again

Not caring for myself is more than a trend

it’s a habit

And I’m addicted to comfort

I’m not normal ’cause I won’t fuck ’till I really love her

I won’t fight without a shove first, don’t mind last place

Sometimes I’m a mess and get too shitfaced

Out for night

Wake on the ground

If I am always lost

when will I be found?

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Statement

In my minds eye, the artistry I create is an experience like no other. They are a release, a coping skill, that enables me to contend with the world around me, and all of it's incompetence and failures. But foremost, they are a reminder of how beautiful life is, and how it should not be taken for granted. I admit that a taste of chaos lingers in the air and often the image is some what morose with a very straight forward title, not cutting any corners. However, that is because I believe the most beautiful emotions are the ones bottled up. My main influences come from the pivotal moments out of the few years I have been alive, including the admitting of myself into a mental institution, the death of my father and the actual realization of human weakness. I have a strong tendency to pick out flaws and upon the beginning of my release through painting, my flaws became apparent. I express my opinions of these flaws through my technique. The techniques and tools I use represent how I feel about myself, at times. In many paintings, dirt and oil may be apparent. These represent the amount of filth I feel towards my mistakes. I use a chisel instead of a paint brush because it is heavy and sharp, like the pain from the weight I feel on my shoulders. Most importantly are the feelings of desperation and anger, two huge parts of my life. Represented in any painting with torn edges, and uneven stretching with staples out of alignment, these “disasterpieces,” as I have come to call them, are very dear and very often I do not like them, but at the same time cherish them. They are a rarity and often contain emotion I think I may never feel again. I do not like to label my art because that is like saying that this is the only type of art I create. I am also a musician, poet and short story writer in my free time. I have found, though, that painting gives me a sense of accomplishment unlike the feeling of being on stage. Painting gives me a feeling of consistency like no other. And for that reason, I choose to strongly represent myself throughout my paintings, rather than music and words which mostly are representations of my thoughts and feelings in an abstract form. My art should be what you want it to be, no matter what the title says it is. I only title them so I can remember the thoughts I was thinking of when I created them. And, to me, this is the beauty of abstract art. Take the title away and you have something your mind now controls.

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